Invictus

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be...
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance,
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeoning of chance,
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears,
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find me, unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

- William Ernest Henley, 1849–1903

***

~ "Invictus" is a short poem by the British poet William Ernest Henley, which is the source of a number of familiar clichés and quotations. The title is Latin for "unconquerable." In this piece, Henley gave the world the familiar phrases "my head is bloody, but unbowed" and "I am the master of my fate". These lines have been quoted many times by people who may not realize the source. It was first published in 1875.

This prose was one of the first I ever learnt by heart. And it went on to inspire me to want to write poetry as beautiful and as touching... It really was my first ever inspiration (in many ways)!

in-Joy : I AM.

ps - I hardly ever include works by other poets here on my blog, but seeing as this one was a primary inspiration for this budding poet...I felt it imperative and respectful to include it here.

Neversent...

Within This Dream, I took a short nap...
And it was You I sweetly dreamt of.

***

Luscious it was to meet you
At that point in the space-time continuum
Wonder and awe at all that you are
Regardless of how it's continuing
Except dignity lost in favour of lust
No remorse felt for my path you trampled
Call for an ending before a start
Empty and sorry and severely scrambled

***

It's been said that every poet needs one unrequited love. Well, here was one that required yours. I tried to fit a square peg into a round hole. Ill-fated - this imperfect match. In the trying I forgot I was already whole.

Only the one who holds your heart is the one who can ultimately break it. But you never held it. You never offered. I know why, I choose to deny.

Invader of my head space, reason for this tortured state, it was your name I uttered over and over and over again as I willed myself to sleep. Deeper and deeper into unconsciousness. Further and further I fell...into a well of dreaded hopelessness.

It was your presence I prayed for but all I'm now left with is an unclaimed present I once gave to you. It sits by my bed - a cherished illusion instead.

A fantasy entertained, a union lived out...
in nothing but a parallel universe.
Somewhat unhealthy, pathetic, perverse.
An alternate reality never reversed.
Never bringing to life the lines I rehearsed.

Flicking through your album of snapshots taken,
No frame for me - my image forsaken.
Just a cameo role...a walk-on part.
You're the star who broke an extra's heart.

Will you ever know the depths of the hurt I seek to hide?
Will you ever find your way to these words concealed inside?
- a peripheral character's journal online...
Thorough thoughts of an afterthought,
Would you even bother to find?
- these fallen tears in cyberspace,
from an all-too-real and human face?

As the perfect summer fades,
I recall those splendid days.
Stolen seconds of too few,
those daydreams spent with you.
As real as an illusion,
A certainty in my confusion,
A fleeting smile I knew,
Was it ever really true?

No feedback ever on a heart exposed,
Did you ever even look at what my soul composed?
Was I just an anecdote to be shared amongst your friends?
Was I just an antidote to a temporary loneliness?

Emotions swirled, and taken in,
to show me something I have yet to own.
Fallen for, and tricked within...
by magic mirrors inside my home.

I write all this so I can heal.
To open up the scars I feel.
Words of comfort, words of help...
To the sleeping beauty inside myself.

I know I manifested you in order to understand the difference between Love Unconditional, and one so selfish. One like heaven - the other quite hellish. Bordering on lies, and a truth embellished. There is no beginning when there is no finish.

I take a bow...I take my cue,
Turning away, I am from you.
No applause or pregnant pause,
To see what next I'm going to do...

A quiet exit.
Evanescent.
A longing lost,
...so never sent.

This minor fantasy never taken,
From this dream I now awaken.

(Written : by Your Para//el Self - Feb. 20/21, 2006)

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Epilogue - The song currently on Replay in my mind & on my discman:

"Oh these little protections how they fail to serve me
one forgotten phone call and I'm deflated
oh these little defenses how they fail to comfort me
your hand pulling away and I'm devastated

I can feel so unsexy for someone so beautiful
so unloved for someone so fine
I can feel so boring for someone so interesting
so ignorant for someone of sound mind

Oh these little projections how they keep springing from me
I jump my ship as I take it personally
oh these little rejections how they disappear quickly
the moment I decide not to abandon me."

~ Alanis Morissette : 2002